She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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