You really coming over, don't trick.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
