Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize