she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
