mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
