i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
