just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize