You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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