he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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