I feel like abortions should bother me more
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
