So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
