i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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