Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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