as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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