On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
