Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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