If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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