At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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