The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
