Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize