Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
