i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
