I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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