I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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