i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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