ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
