I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize