Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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