Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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