Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize