just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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