Quick, to the slutcave!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
