the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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