Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
