Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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