I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
