pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
