I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
