A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize