Sry I called you an 8
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
