ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
