I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
