420 ftw
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So apparently I’m into choking now
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
