they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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