My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
