do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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