It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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