bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
