How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
