DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
