I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
