Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
