Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
