Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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