He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize