I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
