i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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