Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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