why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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