I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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