Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My vagina is officially offended.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
