I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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