we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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