dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
