batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
