I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
