I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
