with your own penis?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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