I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
