Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize