For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ttyl tear gas
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
