dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
