Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
