ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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