I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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