Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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