So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That's how pantless uber rides happen
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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