Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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