Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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