He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
