I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
