Even the bartender felt bad for me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
