the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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