plz talk dirty to me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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