now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
...so i touched it.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
