I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
