You really coming over, don't trick.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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