My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize