i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
