is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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