i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
