Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
