he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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