So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
only if we run a train.
done.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
