Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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