I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
