do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
