My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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