the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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