I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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