i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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