I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
