Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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