yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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