Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize