i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
