the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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